The weatherman has been wrong, multiple times in the past few days. I’m trying hard to not be angry when I see 50 degrees for a week in the forecast only to wake up to snow and teen temperatures. How much school do tv weather people attend to predict the temps for us common people?
The weather really influences my attitude. Does that happen to you? I wake up to dark cold skies, head to the gym and resolve during yoga to be calm. Only thing is, when I leave the gym I’m surrounded by incompetent drivers. Again, who teaches kids to drive these days? Maybe it’s just me but when I drive on Powers, I’m surrounded by drivers who believe a RED light means GO.
So I start to spiral down the negativity ladder. Nothing quite seems to work out how I planned it to. My clean neat plans are constantly torn up and shot to hell. I drive MILES each day, working hard to remember the snacks, the homework, the soccer bags, water bottles and please, can you just keep the car clean for one day? Please?
By the time I get home, I often find myself in a full on mood meltdown. I want to reach for chocolate and wine but those two items can no longer be found in our home thanks to a new year’s resolution for clean eating. I attempt to find comfort in tv but there is honestly nothing really worth to watch. I head to my phone, finger flicking through screens of Facebook which just angers me as I read post after post about this crazy world we are living in now. And I take it out on my kids, on my family, on my dog. I’m short-tempered, short fused and frustrated.
At my 3:15 pm Sunday yoga class this past week, I had an epiphany. I was attempting a revolved half moon posture – not well mind you. My balance was ALL OFF and I was getting so frustrated with myself. In that minute, I simple stopped trying. I just focused my eyes on one spot of the wood floor and breathed. The pose happened because I wasn’t trying any more. I let go of all the expectations of how I looked, instead I just breathed.
My epiphany? I need to let go of all the expectations and thoughts of what I SHOULD be doing. I have to simply live in the moment and thought, working hard to face and do the thing that is right before me. No longer can I keep living in this world of shoulds and have to’s and expectation and noise.
Instead of letting all the busy around me distract me, I have been working on living the moment at hand. It’s a whole heck of a lot of hard work. It’s much easier to pull up the phone, scroll through other people’s lives and let bad drivers make you go nutso.
Practically what does this look like for me?
It’s choosing to celebrate a child’s hard work by buying a $4 gluten-free cupcake from his favorite bakery. It’s putting away my 7-year-old’s laundry EVERY SINGLE DAY because that’s a task she is not able to do right now. There are more important tasks we are working on right now.
It’s calling up my 15-year-old and offering to drive her to Young Life’s grilled cheese Thursdays AS well as bringing her the soccer bag she forgot. It’s intentionally sitting down and sending my husband, whose love language is WORDS of AFFIRMATION, a long email about the things I’ve noticed about him. It’s making fish tacos when I just want to serve popcorn. It’s buying a few special “just because gifts” for a little 7 year old whose love language is GIFT GIVING.
I’ve been reading more, journalling more, meditating more, allowing thoughts to sit and swirl in my mind. I believe we are not to live distracted lives. Blocking out noise can be done by simple releasing it and living in the moment.